How To Tell If Somebody Loves You:
Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!
Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.
Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.
Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love.
Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.
Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.
Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention."
Ryan O’Connell (via imnotchaste)
In your breath there is feeling;
Of hands forgiving each tired railing,
Fingers tracing promise on bone.
Listen, still lover:
Behold each tumbling release.
Everything I never said
A prayer (day old is best)
Curses left in assorted places:
The back of your throat
The tops of my thighs
Corners where we kept our arguments
and looked to in the slowing of our hearts
Sweat from between pressed palms
From the weight and writhe of us
From other girls who were almost,
but not quite,
The wholeness we never had, a lie we claimed we wanted
The hands of my every occasion watch
Time, plentiful and mostly wasted
Ribcage bowl, heartbeat churn,
A stir from the fold of my legs
The heat of your name
Murmur of your touch, always
So thick on my bones
So heavy in my gut
Swallow me whole, why don’t you?
I’d only taste of you.
I’d like everyone to meet my friend, Cody. He’s amazing and I love him. Let me tell you a little about him…
He’s a gamer and a nerd, completely, and it’s adorable. He can go on and on about his favorite games for hours. When he’s playing them he’ll start cursing when something goes wrong, but it’s always in this cute voice and he censors his curses in the middle of saying them. He get’s super excited when he sees something new is coming out and can’t wait to tell me about it. He loves reading, going through entire series in days, and then he always enthusiastically tells me all about them and suggests to me the ones he thinks I’ll like. We watch Scooby Doo and Looney Tunes together whenever we can, he loves cute things like that. He used to ask if it’d be okay if he played with army men in the future when he hoped we’d be living together. Toy Story is one of his favorite movies. He’s intelligent, we can debate things for hours. I can ask him about anything and we can have a discussion about it, whether it’s science, religion, the future, or anything else. He’s also sweet and sensitive. He helped me through one of the hardest times in my life and he’s always been there to listen when I needed him. He’s been through some tough things in his life, maybe a lot worse than mine, but he’s never used that against me or made me feel like my problems were lesser. He’s called me hot and sexy, but he also called me beautiful, gorgeous, even a goddess. I’m certainly not, but he would never let me say that. He always took the time to try to make me happy with myself and make me feel perfect the way I am. He’d get angry at anyone who hurt or upset me. He’s got one of those smiles that you can’t help but smile too, the same with his laugh. He’s incredibly funny, joking all the time and always has a clever little line to cheer me up if I’m upset. He gives the best hugs of anyone I know, whenever we’re together he always has his arms wrapped around me. He’s one of those guys that you feel safe in his arms. He gets shy and nervous, we live far apart and the first time we met it took him like 15 minutes to get up the nerve to talk to me. He goes online everyday to talk to me, and we’ll talk all night. Sure he gets angry sometimes, and he’s not perfect, but who is?
But you see the thing is, he doesn’t see any of that in himself. He doesn’t think anyone likes him or would want him. He worries about his weight all the time. Look at the second picture and tell me, would you call that fat? He does. He tells me how no one would find him attractive, that I’m the only girl that’s called him hot. He says girls just don’t notice him or bother to get to know him. He doesn’t think they’d like him even if they did. He doesn’t understand how I see him as cute or funny. He doesn’t show it to other people, but he’ll talk down about himself to me. It kills me. How he can’t see he makes people happy just being around them. We recently had a conversation about this, and he asked me how he could possibly be considered attractive ‘compared to a celebrity or someone who’s hot’. And when I tried to explain to him he just said, ‘yet I’m never the one the girls pick, it’s always a friend of mine or something’. I tried to tell him how sweet, funny, smart, beautiful, and caring he is. He sarcastically said, ‘tell that to all the girls who don’t like me.’ So I am, in a way.
We see all these things about girls who have self-esteem issues. Who don’t feel attractive, who worry about their weight, who don’t feel good enough. What about the guys? He is one of the best, sweetest, people I’ve ever met, and yet he never feels like he’s good enough. He feels like no girl would ever like him because he’s a nerd, because he doesn’t like sports or cars. He thinks girls never like a sensitive guy. He thinks he’s fat just because he isn’t insanely muscular.
I’m not going to try to guilt you or call you a bad person if you scroll past this. However if you do take the time to read this and could leave a reply/message or reblog it, it would mean the world to me. I want him to be able to see he is good enough and amazing just the way he is.
I realised that I hated buying bus tickets in front of him. It didn’t feel like an appropriate thing to do with your lover: in some ways it felt more underhand and furtive than our nocturnal relationship. To be so embarrassed, so awkward, about a simple bus ticket - such an everyday item - proved oddly liberating for my humiliated and confused soul. I did not love him. Love is all-consuming, love is the air of the common day, love is fingers scrabbling in a purse for spare change. This wasn’t love after all, then. This was a show, this was going through the motions. This journey had been Connect-the-Dot Orgasms; it had never been love. How can you love a man you can’t board public transport with?
this is awesome.
'Ragged Mile' is my favourite running song. I'm like: “I'm so tired, I must stop.” and John Butler's all like “FUCKING LISTEN TO MY ETHNIC DRUMMING AND GUITAR AND MOVE YOUR ARSE.” and then I'm all “Okay, but only if you sing the word 'bosom' because it's a funny word, bro.” and he's all like “You can't talk when you're running or you will get a stitch. Quiet time.” and I'm all “I've got a stitch now, John.”